I'm really freaked out rite now...one minute me Jr & Nick were goofing off, then like 5 minutes after Nick left Jr started shaking, could'nt stand, was really dizzy & would loose focus, he even started breathing hard & his temperature spiked up...I got so worried that I had a panic attack & could barley breathe until after I found out he was okay...Mom finally ended up callin 911..they didnt think he needed 2 go to the hospital but stayed with him until the sezure was over 2 make sure he was ok...I hate seeing him like that, ever since I had 2 babysit him when he was 3 (I was a were 6) & he had his frist sezure...he started jerking & shaking uncontrobally & fell to the floor...blood started comming out of his mouth cause he bit his tounge...& he turned blue from lack of air, I wanted 2 run, to shout for mom but my feet were rooted to the ground...after five seconds which felt like forever, I had regained control of my legs & ran to mom with my tear streaked face yellin 4 her 2 come see Jr that he turned blue...later I found out that was the first of the sezures he'll end up having before he's 8... His blue bloody face haunted me in my dreams for months...


Cause the guards at the front gate were bein a pain n the ass, John had 2 pick Nick up around 2:30 & he got 2 stay till 8:30... It started raining & storming soon after he got hjere so instead of going to the beach we hung out n the family room playing runescape & watching Nox Klay-mations (which r hilarious) After he kicked Jr's ass at Halo 2 he went 2 my room & put music on so mom could'nt hear & got me 2 follow him... At first I was thinking what the hell... the first thing he said was "It's ovious you love her, does she know?" So I ended up tellin him everything (How I've liked her since freshman year, the Matt thing & how I think I'm n love with her)... He broke out into a smile & told me 2 follow my heart... I'm lucky 2 have such great friends...


Jr seems kinda upset & still is suffering from the after-effect of havin a sezure... I think i'm gonna go make my homemade peanut butter fudge brownies he loves so much... or maybe my "famous" Turtle dove tear drop cookies (homemade peanut butter cookies with dove chocolatye swirls & pecans) I made em up one day when I was fooling round n the kitchen cooking 2 release some steam & now everyone who's had 'em before forces me 2 make 'em every special ocasion (like birthdayds) & for friends after they've had a nasty break up.. we spend the night eating Turtle dove tear drop cookies & brownie batter ice cream & stuff like that...

I kno I should probally eat but I just can't bring myself 2...i just don't feel like eating...mom's worried & wouldn't stop naggin me all day 2 eat...only 150 calories today (& that's only cause I drank a can dr.pepper)...all I've had today was water & 1 can Dr.Pepper, ...Tommy convinced me 2 make brownies...I might have some or at least eat the left over batter...lol...


You know who you are:
Nick think's I should follow my heart so I'll take his advice, I'm sorry if this whole thing with Matt has hurt you any, I'd rather hurt myself than hurt you...I was gonna give him a second chance cause I didn't want 2 hurt him too much, but I don't want 2 hurt you in the process, I'm gonna end it with him as soon as I can get ahold of him... Not a day goes by that I don't think of you...just thinking bout you puts a smile to my face, I never thought in a million years that you'd ever like me back, finding out that you did made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world...I'm in love with you... you mean the world to me...I just wish I could show you how much you mean to me...if I had to wait forever to hold you in my arms I would... I kno it sounds kinda corny but it's how I feel...I can't wait till I can see you again